Penny has ample reason to dread family get-togethers, and -- with a holiday creeping closer – her fears again rise to the surface. Seated with me, Penny hikes her trouser legs up, exposing her milky calves; I have never seen a whiter woman. “These legs haven't seen the sun in years,” Penny laughs. But she wonders what extra dots of color she'll see in the coming weeks. "By next week these will be covered in shades of purple and blue, in assorted sizes of toe tips," she assures me.
You see, Penny has a slight problem with impulse control and, on occasion, she'll call someone out for comments made under the pretext of polite dinner conversation; comments born more from prejudice than facts, for instance. When others are in attendance, Penny's challenges often make for a good show. I, for one, am never adverse to seeing someone squirm ... someone else, not me, that is! But, as a result of her outspokenness, Penny often gets kicked under the table by well-meaning family and friends who would rather leave well-enough alone.
Penny's tone suddenly changes. “Maybe the bruises are worth it,” she says.
When I fail to understand her shift in thought, Penny explains. “It used to be that my parents would bring their bigotry to the family table at get-togethers and I alone would counter it. I don't want my kids exposed to that. So I'd say, 'Mom, I don't know where you get your info, but the Hispanics I work with are hard-working. The African-Americans next door make for the best neighbors. My Muslim friends aren't terrorists.' You know ...”
I do know. I know that a huge gulf separates prejudice from reality. “Go on,” I encourage.
“Well, as soon as I open my mouth, my brothers and sisters start directing little kicks my way.”
“Under the table?” I question.
“Precisely,” she responds.
Lately, however, a subtle change has taken place at Penny's family table. Different feet have taken aim at her legs. And for different reasons.
“Last Easter I let my parents voice their prejudice without interruption,” Penny said. “Maybe I was tired. After all, they always offer up the same arguments; we never cover new ground.”
“So ...” I prompt.
“So the children started tapping me under the table with their feet,” Penny said.
“Your kids?” I ask.
“Well, my oldest and my brother's. So I turn to them and ask if there was a reason for the fancy footwork. They look at me like I'm crazy and ask, 'Are you going to just let that go? Aren't you going to say something?'”
“I'm tired, so I ask, 'What do you think I should say?' Avery chimes in right away, 'you should say that sounds like gossip and we don't gossip.' Then Annie says I should question the motives of their sources. Back and forth they go, spouting every argument I've put up against my folks' discriminatory statements for the past five years ... and I think they added in a few new ones: let's not give in to paranoia; don't buy-in to anonymous hearsay; avoid blanket judgments.'”
“'Good points,' I say to the children. 'Consider them spoken,'” Penny concluded.
“Well, friend,” I finally say, “maybe you could view those bruises differently ... from here they might very well be badges of honor. And you're my favorite hero!”
“Well ... it's a war worth winning," she smiles.
“Still, you might consider sitting at the kiddie table,” I advise. “Smaller feet, smaller bruises.”
Stumble It!
Erin, Emily, Josh, Shelly at This Eclectic Life, Matthew and Susanno -- Thanks for your comments! I think you see why Penny is one of my favorite people on the planet! Actually many of my friends ("real life" and blog pals) are living proof that we have much to learn from each other ... and can be good models for each other.
Dan/Pepsoid -- Yep, a true story ... but I've entered somewhat of a new phase with the blog as I share my friends' stories (by my request or THEIRS!). I'm discovering a need to protect privacy. In this case, we admit Penny's parents are racist, but neither of us wanted to use this story to "call them out" ... we just wanted to share Penny's experiences. So, I've resorted to changing names and some details while retaining the deeper truths. I'm not 100% comfortable with that, so I'll need to add sometime of fine print on the blog soon, a disclaimer of sorts.
Posted by: Brenda replies | July 10, 2008 at 05:46 PM
Great write Brenda... make me think for a moment after read it. Penny and you shared great life lessons here.
Posted by: Susanno | July 03, 2008 at 07:47 AM
What a great post! If I were a friend of Penny's I would buy her shin guards for Christmas! Thanks Brenda!
Posted by: Matthew | July 02, 2008 at 11:34 PM
Penny is my kind of gal. Sorry about the bruises, but it sounds as if it is worthwhile! I love this post, Brenda.
Posted by: This Eclectic Life | July 02, 2008 at 10:15 AM
Thanks for visiting. I love this post. What a great, compelling story!
See ya around,
Josh
Posted by: Josh | July 01, 2008 at 04:59 PM
*Cheers* to Penny!Beautifully written, Brenda.
Posted by: Emily | July 01, 2008 at 09:49 AM
What a lovely yet deeply poignant tale on the fight against prejudice! (true, I take it?)
Posted by: pepsoid | July 01, 2008 at 05:27 AM
Good for Penny! I hope that when I have kids I can set the kind of example that Penny has :)
Posted by: Erin | July 01, 2008 at 12:33 AM