Prying my fingers from possibilities

Have you ever found yourself trying to take more than one path at a time? Maybe you've discovered that you don't get very far when trying to straddle several diverging routes. When writing my last post, The Nature of Life, I knew that I was not making any inroads through recent efforts to simultaneously direct and follow my life -- or, at least, my career. But upon reading your responses, I realized that my challenge was a bit more complicated.

Let me explain. I've come to realize that running my own consulting business on a full-time basis will never meet the goal I'd hoped for: being able to utilize my writing and/or design skill sets to their highest potential. Not when I must also function as the sales person, accountant and IT staff! So, it was time to re-evaluate. Still, I love being the strategist and the worker bee ... and having my own company allows me to test new ideas, something I wouldn't risk in a corporate setting. As a result, I continue to run my small enterprise with the intent of relegating it to a side business or "hobby job," after I find a full-time job that better fits my objectives.

Now, the U.S. economy isn't exactly cooperating with my plan! So, to temporarily supplement my income, I've accepted a temp job assignment. I was over-qualified for the job, but the position appeared just when I needed it. No other doors where opening at the time and, when I walked in for an interview, everyone and everything seemed so familiar, so ... right. "Maybe I'm being lead here," I told myself as I checked my ego at the door. Besides, my new contractor was so incredibly happy to snag me that my sense of self-confidence is still beaming somewhere over on Cloud 9!

As I undertake this job, however, I'm also trying to fill the gaps within my resume by educating myself and taking on specific non-paying projects that will enhance my portfolio. Because a new job or my own business might demand that I understand the new social media, I continue to immerse myself in that exploration, too. And, did I mention that I still envision myself as a freelance writer? So those efforts remain on my plate as well!

But, today as I responded to a recent comment, I realized that all these activities were not the result of a decision on my part ... but from a lack of one. I found myself trying to be a business owner, contract employee, job seeker, student and freelance writer ... all because I'd sure hate to miss out on any opportunity before me! I wasn't making choices, I was hedging my bets! And I've had to admit that I'm so afraid of not fulfilling my purpose or potential here on earth (or even fully comprehending what that is) that I' haven't let go of any path showing promise! And when anyone is so frantically jumping from one road to another, can s/he really be quiet enough to hear that still, small voice? Or proactive enough to intentionally forge a well-conceived future?

While last week I questioned when I should listen and when I should lead, now I'm facing the reality that doing either requires letting go: relinquishing my grip on a fistful of possibilities in order to effectively pursue one. Or two. At most, three. (I think you see my dilemma!)

Just try to pry my fingers off any one of my endeavors and I'm sure to give you a litany of reasons why I must retain it. Yet I'll also tell you, in all sincerity, that I am not a workaholic. Although, now that I think of it, I haven't taken a vacation in over two years.

My salvation lies, I believe, in the fact that I'm not very tolerant of indecision ... in myself or others. So now that I've realized I'm guilty of just this crime, correcting my course -- or, more accurately, settling on a single course of action -- should be easier.

I know I should be grateful. After all, I have a wealth of options to choose from. Many women don't have it this good. On second thought, some men don't either. I am facing the type of abundance that comes from having freedom. And freedom requires that decisions be made. I must choose which path to take at this point in my journey or remain stalled at the intersection. Maybe some of my options will reappear in the future. And that's what I'll remind myself: no true possibilities are ever lost because I am always free to retrace my steps and choose again.

How do you address decision-making? What choices are easy for you? Which are difficult?

Comments

[Lisa]

I love the lyrics from the Indigo Girls:

"Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agony's your heaviest load.
You'll never fly as the crow flies, get used to a country mile.
When you're learning to face the path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while."

[Merely Me]

Do what you love to do most and the future will come to you. Seriously...it is working for me.

[Max Coutinho]

Hey Brenda,

I must say that I don't know what to say here: I am going to be utterly honest with you; I believe that there are things in life that we must figure out by ourselves (because even if people tell us whatsoever, we might not even listen, because it is one of those times when we just have to decide alone).

However, I must tell you that we have one thing in common: I too am not very tolerant of indecision (both in myself and others). I think one must make a decision, live accordingly to it and face the consequences for having made that decision - this is how we learn, how we build an experience portfolio.

"And freedom requires that decison be made" - Amen to that!

"How do you address decision-making?"

I meditate (literally) upon the opportunities before me, the pros & cons, the possible outcomes, the effect that will have on my family, the impact it will have in my life...and then after a few days, I am ready to decide.

"What choices are easy for you?"

Hmm, let's say "Which pair of trousers will I wear: black or grey? Black"...that is an easy choice.

"Which are difficult?"

Any that involves human beings, and the effects on them.

Brenda, excellent article once again! And thank you for sharing your soul with us!

Cheers

[Monica]

Hi Brenda:

You know... not making a decision on something is a decision in itself. Not to get weird on ya. Everything we do (I believe) is our choice.

If I'm wandering and don't know really where to go, it's me making the decision to wander and not engage on where I should be.

;)

Great post Brenda!

{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}

Monica

[Brenda]

Emily -- I like your attitude about this. Earlier you'd written about the importance of failure and I think being willing to take that risk to follow one's heart and risk failing (and striving again) is, indeed, very important. If you're not ready, you'll find out soon enough ... but I suspect you will more than likely you'll find out that you already know what you need to know and will learn the rest as you go along!

Tammy -- I am sleeping better! And I'm finding time again for exercise and meditation -- two activities I need to function on all cylinders!

Bernie -- Your fortune cookie saying summed it up very well! Focus seems to be a dying art ... but one I always keep coming back to again and again!

[Emily]

I am in a very similar place, Brenda, and have just made a decision to go for something that my heart says, "Yes!" to while my brain says, "You're not ready!"

I suppose I'm listening to my heart right now and figure my efforts won't hurt, I can learn from this first shot and if I need to take time and try again later ... so be it!

[Tammy Warren]

Oh Brenda. I saw your post come through on my cell phone yesterday and I wasn't able to get over here.

I am sure you can sleep better now. You have made a decision. That is great. I am sure you made the right one because you went with your heart. I wish you the best with this. Please keep us all posted.

You are in my thoughts. Go get em! (Hey, play some Nickelback on the way to work...ha!)(I remember you posting about that band somewhere along the way)

[Bernie]

You have a wealth of opportunities. Pick one ... at a time. You may eventually get to follow them all. My favorite piece of fortune cookie wisdom fits your situation (and mine at times): One who chases two rabbits catches none.