enroute365

The nature of life

Does life unfold for those who are open to embrace what it has to offer? Or should it be up to us take life "by the horns" and steer it in the direction of our dreams?

Is life a stream that takes us to our destinations as it will ... or is it the clay that we shape as we will?

I confess that I don't have the answer, although I suspect it lies somewhere between these two extremes. I just have to find where exactly that is for my own journey. These are the answers I still await as I continue to observe a period of stillness and listening.

I do agree with a recent post at A Day to Share with Tammy, that in many ways I create my life each day, even in the simplest efforts, as she describes:

During the summer months, when flowers are plentiful in my garden, I love to fill the house with these heavenly tokens. I arrange bouquets for my living room, bedroom, dining room, kitchen, and my desk. I know I am arranging them for me. With these flowers I am in good company ...

I may have stress and some complications, but in my heart I know that I can and will smile to myself knowing that I am in charge ... I create the roads that I will follow ...

Why be miserable when you can be happy? I looked at the flower on the table again. I saw a gift the flower was giving me.

But, when it comes to issues of personal achievement, I have on occasion been better served by letting my ambition take the day off! Some days God, fate or coincidence seemingly has other plans. And, from time-to-time, these plans have opened doors I could not have foreseen.

What about you? Do you accept life as it comes, mold it to suit, or adopt a different approach. Let me know! I'm still listening.

My turn to listen, to wait

I haven't been in writing mode these days. Rather, I've been listening, reading ... tuning in to the shared thoughts of others. Writing must wait.

I'm not entirely comfortable with my silence; it leaves me with a certain impatience. I don't even know what I'm waiting for, yet I know this mental immobility is my mind's way of telling me to be still, observe and learn.

I recently read a Turkish proverb that instructed, "listen a hundred times; ponder a thousand times; speak once." That proverb resonants now in my brain; it is not my time to speak.

I hold no doubts that my own words will come in their own time and, in the meanwhile, the lesson that I'm learning is how to wait.

Waiting is part part of daily life. Matthew Wheeler at I'm Coming Back as a Bug describes it well. In his post, "The Art of Waiting," Matthew writes:

In the rat race of our life here in America it seems to be a lot of hurry up and wait. Traffic is the perfect example of that. You get to a light, the light turns green, cars take off like they are racing the quarter mile, 0 - 45 in three seconds and then two blocks later then next light turns red and everybody slams on their brakes. Multiply that very same action for three miles and you become amazed more people don't suffer from whiplash.  ... All that stress, inefficiency and wasted time. Hurry up and wait.

Still, our culture doesn't know how to wait. At My Life as it Was, Is, and Will Be, S.S. Greylord writes about waiting, too. In her post, "Car Washes, Margaret Thatcher and Patience" she asks, "What ever happened to patience?"

We want our food and we want it now. We want our coffee so we race through the drive thru expecting it to be ready as we brake beside them. We want our drive-cleaning done today. So they offer same-day service.

My mind isn't offering that same calibur of customer service, so I must learn to be patient. Still ... I hope it's not a long wait. I'm not sure I have the time for it.

Internet overdose

Just for fun.
Usually I rely on Titania at Finding Life's Enchantments for finding the cutest and most clever videos, but recently I just came across a music video on YouTube that I can really identify with ... a song that reflects my Internet journey!

Immersing myself in the new media as I have can sometimes be overwhelming.  Not just blogging, but learning the ins and outs of the specialized blog ranking and networking sites like Technorati, My Blog Log and Blog Catalog. Slowly I've also been making my way through the social bookmarking and traffic-driving technology of delicious, Stumble Upon and digg.

Ten years ago, I could not have predicted that today I'd be learning how to Twitter. Or that I'd be so LinkedIn.  I didn't know then, that I'd need an entire Rolodex system just to manage those passwords!

Take a listen and see if you can relate!

More butterflies, more meanings

After my August 12th post, it's no secret that I'm fond of butterflies! But I am just now realizing how these beautiful creatures have come to symbolize real transformations in thought within the lives of others.

My blogging pal Emily at Be in Wonder is a case in point. In March she wrote a very revealing post entitled "Butterly Wings" that I've only recently became aware of. It refers to this insect in terms of individuality and worth.

In her story, Emily refers to a silky piece of cloth that was imagined to be butterfly wings by her son. She observes:

I had often felt like those butterfly wings [after they had been seen more than once and were no longer considered special]; That because I wasn’t unique I didn’t have any joy to offer those around me. I grew up thinking that if I didn’t have anything unique to say that it wasn’t worth saying at all.

I was wrong ... What I have to say is worth expressing--even if it's been said before ... Like butterflies, I will spread my wings -- even if they’ve been seen before. I may be the 1,000 Monarch butterfly you've seen, but I’m the only one dancing in this moment before you.

A second writer, Donna at Amazed By His Grace is the mother of an autistic son. One day she was surprised to see the boy "enacting a butterfly coming out of the cocoon." In response to what she had witnessed, Donna wrote a short but poignant poem which she shared in a recent post. Her words refer to the cognitive breakthrough made by her son and among this mother's heart-felt lines are these:

You broke from your small abode, no longer crawling
But fluttering in the sun, soaking up the rays
Bringing delight to all who would stop to gaze and reflect on the wondrous transformation
My son, I see your passion for the vibrant winged insect and I ponder...
Do you love them so, because they are so much like yourself?
You too were once encased, enclosed, hibernating
Now, you've emerged even more beautiful than I could imagine
Full of life, full of energy, full of love

I can give neither of these posts full justice, so I encourage you to visit the blogs through the links provided above and read these inspirational messages for yourself. Each story is transformative in its own right ... and shows how real empowerment can be found in something as fragile as a butterfly!

Bloggers who dare to divulge

Who knew that blogging took courage? Well, probably everyone who has overcome self-doubt to the point of publishing a weblog! But within this group are a few who push the envelope on bravery even further. They dare to divulge their imperfections, their fears and struggles with utter honesty.

I admire that. While most blog evangelists advocate using the blogosphere to establish oneself as an expert -- and, to clarify, I'm NOT bashing that use; it's a very smart way for consultants and businesses to go -- some brave souls use their blogs to reveal their deepest humanity. Counter to current trends, these bloggers openly admit that they don't have all the answers, but they are willing to start the discussions about personal challenges that certainly others also struggle with.

By revealing their battles -- and so very publicly -- they show me that it's okay to be less than perfect, physically or mentally. They offer a means in which together we can explore human frailties and coping or success strategies. The gift of these brave bloggers is in opening the dialogue. A dialogue where synergies can be born. And, where I believe, where real solutions are found.

What could be more inspirational?

One of these courageous bloggers is Cheryl Wright. I've been reading Cheryl's Perspectives on Life for several months now. Upon my initial visit to her site -- covering a variety of life topics -- I found that I disagreed with one of the very first posts I read. But, because she is such a thoughtful writer, I kept reading. I appreciated her perspective even when my viewpoint was different and ultimately I was hooked! Still, it's only been in recent days that Cheryl was added to my "brave bloggers" list ... and that's because she had enough inner strength to admit -- without apology or excuse -- that's she's something of a perfectionist. Cheryl was able to honestly, but succinctly, discuss this personal challenge. Realizing she's not alone, Cheryl also invites input which I, for one, am happy to offer as perfectionism is something that's also a stumbling block for me more often than I care to admit. (And, Cheryl, I want you to know that I'm writing this without the use of a spell-checker!)

Hmmm ... someone in a position of adversity finds the courage to undertake a challenge for the common good. It's the definition of a hero ... and it sounds like Cheryl -- and others like her -- to me!

Let's talk about those "others." Some blogs are completely built on such bravery. They include:

• Merely Me's Multiple Synchronicities (and sclerosis) about life struggles with illness
• Free to be Me with ADHD, a blog about accepting this attention span disorder
• Storied Mind, a blog relating to depression

Perhaps a tad less courageous (it's anonymous), is a blog that let's us all commiserate with others or laugh at our mutual imperfections: I am Neurotic publishes anonymous postings about neurotic tendencies any one of us might have. As such, it's a means for the rest of us -- those not quite so brave -- to share as well!

Years ago I was asked who my heroes were. I struggled for weeks and finally had to admit that I had none. That has now changed for me. These writers and their blogs are wonderful examples of personal heroism by taking the lead on such inner honesty! And so I salute them ... and encourage you to visit their sites ... if you dare to share!

What issue(s) do you struggle with?  What has your experience with it taught you about yourself? About life and its challenges?

Hearing voices (in the blogosphere)

I’m hearing voices … again! More than whispers, these are the words born of beautiful minds … great writing that lends originality, honesty and humanity to the blogosphere.

But I’m behind the times … again. So forgive me if some of these posts are a bit dated. They remain messages that deserve to be heard.

I’m referring to the Progenitor who is finally a father. Hear the love that’s been awakened in him in a recent poem to his newborn daughter:

Baby girl…
Expanding our world.
Perfection in a soft cheek,
The curve of your spine as you lie on my chest …

Your reality completes…
Our home,
Our lives.

At the other extreme, I’m hearing the voice of Mimi at Mimi Writes who recalls the miracles of her grandmother:

I don't know if she was gifted with a healing vibe or just knew how to get things done. All I know is that my great-grandmother … had many old fashioned cures for whatever ailed us…

Inquisitive and annoying child that I was, I asked her all the time to tell me her secrets. She would not …

Perhaps her gift to me was a knowing and silent belief that sometimes wisdom lies in things that cannot be explained.

I hear the the message of Sarah at My Life as it Was, Is, and Will Be who reminds us to participate in life, even as we grow older:

The water broke a path behind her as she raced onwards. There were whistles and hoots and hollers on the lakeshore.  She continued, oblivious to the cheers. Her path reflected a straight line across the bay. She was riding her jet ski.

And she was 91 years old.

I’m also hearing journeyers who are taking a closer look at their worlds. Writers like Linda at Uncommon Adventures who recently found new appreciation (then life-and-death drama) as she explored her world by bicycle:

Because I see my usual bike route more often than others, it can sometimes seem boring or uninteresting. But if I pretend to be new to the area and unfamiliar with the rolling to flat hills, straight country roads, weathered barns, fields of who-knows-what-yet... corn, beans, alfalfa... I can see the plainness exude a mercurial beauty unlike the scenery presented by a mountain view or an ocean-scape.

I invite you to take a moment to listen to the voices with me by reading full posts via the links provided. See if these bloggers' words resonate within you!

More than age-spots: boomers' real midlife crises

My aging father has dementia. There ... I've said it. I don't like saying it. I especially dislike seeing it here on the screen in black and white. After all, dementia is not a black and white issue. It's colored with all kinds of emotion ... primarily fear and denial.

Many of the issues I face as a baby boomer are tinted in these same hues. For instance, only in the last few years have I come to grips with the fact that I am in the stretch of time called "midlife." Maybe that's because I feel so young. But the U.S. Census Bureau classifies baby boomers as "the generation born between 1946 and 1964." I console myself that I'm at the tail end of that era ... but I'm there nonetheless. Besides, I know the government wouldn't lie to me. Not about something like that anyhow.

Other signs confirm that I have reached midlife. I've passed 45, the age I literally consider mid-life ( I plan to reach age 90 out of sheer spunk). Age spots increasingly dot my arms. And with my acceptance of Dad's health concerns comes the realization that the roles are changing between parent and child.

Yet, there is more to it than that. I'm losing my "cool factor" with the younger generation. My bifocals have replaced standard eye-glasses. And, most heart-breaking of all, I now can only watch as 60-something friends are forced into retirement. 

All of this, in sum, might help to explain why I've begun reading several "boomer blogs," including that of the self-acknowledged Midlife Crisis Queen. Her recent post, "Midlife and the Mainstream Media" really grabbed my attention. There, the author -- Laura Lee Carter -- discusses how various media outlets "always seem to miss the mark in terms of real life midlife experiences."

Carter has a point. In referring to MSN Lifestyle Boomers, she invites, "go check out their take on us and our needs. I don’t know, between an interview with Pierce Brosnan on how ordinary his life really is, and 'How to throw a summertime party' all of my needs have been addressed."

Like Carter, none of my concerns are covered in the featured articles. And that's a shame, because baby boomers face significant issues at midlife. Having said that, however, several other sources are willing to look beneath the surface at the real concerns and crises baby boomers face at this phase in our lives; sites in addition to Midlife Crisis Queen, which also covers many of these topics. I'd like to touch on two of these today.

Career considerations

As I watch 40-somethings seemingly get passed over in the hiring and promotion process -- or desperately search for roles that offer them more satisfaction -- I not only ache for them, but I worry about my own future (and, no, I'm not too hold to have one). So I was delighted to find this slightly dated -- but still relevant -- post at WomenBloom, "Revise Your Networking Plan To Fit Your Midlife Reality and Goals."

Here Marny Lifshen notes that, "hitting one's 40s and 50s is when we can begin feeling restless personally and professionally. Career and life may be in need of some re-invigorating." She continues with a number of networking tips specifically targeted to meet the needs of boomers.

Another site, The Chronicle of Higher Education, covers the reality of midlife job dissatisfaction in their online article, "A Midlife Crisis Hits College Campuses."

Care-giving

Another side of midlife involves watching parents age. I've learned that whether I'm sitting on the sidelines or involving myself in the details, witnessing the older generation decline is not easy. In her post "I'll Love You Forever," Ellen Besso describes a scene in which she is pushing her mother's wheelchair. She passes a young mom guiding her young child's stroller ... and Besso observes that "in the circle of time parents look after children and sometimes children look after parents."

Carol O'Dell also discusses care-giving on her blog, Mothering Mother and More, where she delves into the myriad complexities involved with this role reversal. A recent post considers how we, adult children, speak with our aging parents. O'Dell observes, "It’s easy to ... get so caught up in the bossiness of caregiving that you start barking out orders and not treating your loved one with the patience and thoughtfulness they deserve ... and let’s face it, your mom or dad ... isn’t crazy about being told what to do all the time, especially by their children."

Luckily for me, both women have plenty of tips to help me through this difficult time. Real advice with zero references to hunky Pierce Brosnan, or any other celeb for that matter. But the issues of care-giving and career are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the concerns of baby boomers.

Other topics of interest to boomers include:

• Hormonal changes
• Health concerns (including those over the future of health care)
• Midlife's impact on marriage and family (including divorce)
• New perspectives on life and shifting priorities in response to those changes
• The loss of parents, a partner or resulting from an "empty nest"
• Midlife dating
• Retirement and financial considerations

In the coming days, I'll be returning to cover these topics, but for now I'd like to conclude my midlife ramblings with an observation. Like the Midlife Crisis Queen, my boomer concerns are not about how to throw a summer party. That, I can figure out without much help ... thanks, all the same. I have no issues with the gray in my hair or the crow's feet appearing on my face. Consider them well-earned. My concerns are real. They are about relationships and their evolution. About maintaining health and financial security now and in the future. About personal relevance and purpose.

You see, my life is changing. My perspectives are changing. And my obligations are following suit. I hope the media can keep pace with me.

Are you a baby boomer?  What are your midlife concerns?

Best, recent reads

It's time to catch you up on my best, most recent blog reads. Now that I have a cat (Genie) to keep me company,  scanning the blogosphere for great content doesn't go as quickly as before (there are ears to be scratched and a tummy to be rubbed), but it's double the fun!

This week's favorite finds include a post at 24 Hours a Day -- 7 Days a Week, entitled "A Different Kind of Funny." In it, Binky recalls the days before marriage and children when she would read in bed.

"My memory is fixated on the lightweightness of it all. The thin blanket in a tent over my legs as I perched the book on my knees. The crickets outside a window where tall trees were shadowed a degree darker than the night."

This is contrasted against her life these days as she is happily "beholden to my husband and my babies and a mortgage company." 

"Each moment is heavy with consequence. But selfishly happy I am not. I can't imagine I ever will be again."

Then, there is one of Genie's favorite posts which we found at Colleen's Corner. Called "Bear's Great Adventure," it's the photo-illustrated story of a cat whose world has recently expanded.

"Bear has always been an indoor cat and has never shown much interest in the great outdoors...That is, until this year.

"I am not sure why.. maybe it is because he always sees the dogs traipsing in and out. Or maybe it is because we now have a storm door that is a true full screen.. allowing the intoxicating outdoor smells to waffle in..."

Check out these delightful slices of life in their entirety through the links given above ... and stay tuned for more great blogosphere finds! I've got several superb bloggers in my sights!

The beauty behind her bruises

Penny has ample reason to dread family get-togethers, and -- with a holiday creeping closer – her fears again rise to the surface. Seated with me, Penny hikes her trouser legs up, exposing her milky calves; I have never seen a whiter woman. “These legs haven't seen the sun in years,” Penny laughs. But she wonders what extra dots of color she'll see in the coming weeks. "By next week these will be covered in shades of purple and blue, in assorted sizes of toe tips," she assures me.

You see, Penny has a slight problem with impulse control and, on occasion, she'll call someone out for comments made under the pretext of polite dinner conversation; comments born more from prejudice than facts, for instance. When others are in attendance, Penny's challenges often make for a good show. I, for one, am never adverse to seeing someone squirm ... someone else, not me, that is! But, as a result of her outspokenness, Penny often gets kicked under the table by well-meaning family and friends who would rather leave well-enough alone.

Penny's tone suddenly changes. “Maybe the bruises are worth it,” she says.

When I fail to understand her shift in thought, Penny explains. “It used to be that my parents would bring their bigotry to the family table at get-togethers and I alone would counter it. I don't want my kids exposed to that. So I'd say, 'Mom, I don't know where you get your info, but the Hispanics I work with are hard-working. The African-Americans next door make for the best neighbors. My Muslim friends aren't terrorists.' You know ...”

I do know. I know that a huge gulf separates prejudice from reality. “Go on,” I encourage.

“Well, as soon as I open my mouth, my brothers and sisters start directing little kicks my way.”

“Under the table?” I question.

“Precisely,” she responds.

Lately, however, a subtle change has taken place at Penny's family table. Different feet have taken aim at her legs. And for different reasons.

“Last Easter I let my parents voice their prejudice without interruption,” Penny said. “Maybe I was tired. After all, they always offer up the same arguments; we never cover new ground.”

“So ...” I prompt.

“So the children started tapping me under the table with their feet,” Penny said.

“Your kids?” I ask.

“Well, my oldest and my brother's. So I turn to them and ask if there was a reason for the fancy footwork. They look at me like I'm crazy and ask, 'Are you going to just let that go? Aren't you going to say something?'”

“I'm tired, so I ask, 'What do you think I should say?' Avery chimes in right away, 'you should say that sounds like gossip and we don't gossip.' Then Annie says I should question the motives of their sources. Back and forth they go, spouting every argument I've put up against my folks' discriminatory statements for the past five years  ... and I think they added in a few new ones: let's not give in to paranoia; don't buy-in to anonymous hearsay; avoid blanket judgments.'”

“'Good points,' I say to the children. 'Consider them spoken,'” Penny concluded.

“Well, friend,” I finally say, “maybe you could view those bruises differently ... from here they might very well be badges of honor. And you're my favorite hero!”

“Well ... it's a war worth winning," she smiles.

“Still, you might consider sitting at the kiddie table,” I advise. “Smaller feet, smaller bruises.”

Family snapshots

I originally had another post about family planned for today ... until I discovered several other bloggers posting on the subject that I thought deserved the spotlight. Their writing gave me an extra measure of perspective (and a smile or two)! So if you liked "Building a Better Family" or any of my previous articles on the subject you will LOVE these:

• "Older Brother and His Kids," from Town & Country Life, a snippet of family life and responsibility from sixty years ago, told with candor and a touch of humor.
• "Crazy Aunts and Other Mad Relatives," (a short limerick that I, for one, can really identify with) from Mad Kane’s Humor Blog.
• "Dinner with Granddaddy," as told by Sam Davidson, is a series of short anecdotes about his grandfather ... and a certain habit that Sam and his granddad share.