My aging father has dementia. There ... I've said it. I don't like saying it. I especially dislike seeing it here on the screen in black and white. After all, dementia is not a black and white issue. It's colored with all kinds of emotion ... primarily fear and denial.
Many of the issues I face as a baby boomer are tinted in these same hues. For instance, only in the last few years have I come to grips with the fact that I am in the stretch of time called "midlife." Maybe that's because I feel so young. But the U.S. Census Bureau classifies baby boomers as "the generation born between 1946 and 1964." I console myself that I'm at the tail end of that era ... but I'm there nonetheless. Besides, I know the government wouldn't lie to me. Not about something like that anyhow.
Other signs confirm that I have reached midlife. I've passed 45, the
age I literally consider mid-life (
I plan to reach age 90 out of sheer spunk). Age spots increasingly dot my arms. And with my acceptance of Dad's health concerns comes the realization that the roles are changing between parent and child.
Yet, there is more to it than that. I'm losing my "cool factor" with the younger generation. My bifocals have replaced standard eye-glasses. And, most heart-breaking of all, I now can only watch as 60-something friends are forced into retirement.
All of this, in sum, might help to explain why I've begun reading several "boomer blogs," including that of the self-acknowledged Midlife Crisis Queen. Her recent post, "Midlife and the Mainstream Media" really grabbed my attention. There, the author -- Laura Lee Carter -- discusses how various media outlets "always seem to miss the mark in terms of real life midlife experiences."
Carter has a point. In referring to MSN Lifestyle Boomers, she invites, "go check out their take on us and our needs. I don’t know, between an
interview with Pierce Brosnan on how ordinary his life really is, and 'How to throw a summertime party' all of my needs have been addressed."
Like Carter, none of my concerns are covered in the featured articles. And that's a shame, because baby boomers face significant issues at midlife. Having said that, however, several other sources are willing to look beneath the surface at the real concerns and crises baby boomers face at this phase in our lives; sites in addition to Midlife Crisis Queen, which also covers many of these topics. I'd like to touch on two of these today.
Career considerations
As I watch 40-somethings seemingly get passed over in the hiring and promotion process -- or desperately search for roles that offer them more satisfaction -- I not only ache for them, but I worry about my own future (and, no, I'm not too hold to have one). So I was delighted to find this slightly dated -- but still relevant -- post at WomenBloom, "Revise Your Networking Plan To Fit Your Midlife Reality and Goals."
Here Marny Lifshen notes that, "hitting one's 40s and 50s is when we can begin feeling restless personally and professionally. Career and life may be in need of some re-invigorating." She continues with a number of networking tips specifically targeted to meet the needs of boomers.
Another site, The Chronicle of Higher Education, covers the reality of midlife job dissatisfaction in their online article, "A Midlife Crisis Hits College Campuses."
Care-giving
Another side of midlife involves watching parents age. I've learned that whether I'm sitting on the sidelines or involving myself in the details, witnessing the older generation decline is not easy. In her post "I'll Love You Forever," Ellen Besso describes a scene in which she is pushing her mother's wheelchair. She passes a young mom guiding her young child's stroller ... and Besso observes that "in the circle of time parents look after children and sometimes
children look after parents."
Carol O'Dell also discusses care-giving on her blog, Mothering Mother and More, where she delves into the myriad complexities involved with this role reversal. A recent post considers how we, adult children, speak with our aging parents. O'Dell observes, "It’s easy to ... get so caught up in the bossiness of caregiving that you start barking out orders and not treating your loved one with the patience and thoughtfulness they deserve ... and let’s face it, your mom or dad ... isn’t
crazy about being told what to do all the time, especially by their
children."
Luckily for me, both women have plenty of tips to help me through this difficult time. Real advice with zero references to hunky Pierce Brosnan, or any other celeb for that matter. But the issues of care-giving and career are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the concerns of baby boomers.
Other topics of interest to boomers include:
- Hormonal changes
- Health concerns (including those over the future of health care)
- Midlife's impact on marriage and family (including divorce)
- New perspectives on life and shifting priorities in response to those changes
- The loss of parents, a partner or resulting from an "empty nest"
- Midlife dating
- Retirement and financial considerations
In the coming days, I'll be returning to cover these topics, but for now I'd like to conclude my midlife ramblings with an observation. Like the Midlife Crisis Queen, my boomer concerns are not about how to throw a summer party. That, I can figure out without much help ... thanks, all the same. I have no issues with the gray in my hair or the crow's feet appearing on my face. Consider them well-earned. My concerns are real. They are about relationships and their evolution. About maintaining health and financial security now and in the future. About personal relevance and purpose.
You see, my life is changing. My perspectives are changing. And my obligations are following suit. I hope the media can keep pace with me.
Are you a baby boomer? What are your midlife concerns?
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