enroute365

5 points of gratitude (and lots of links)

Every time I visit  Are you Grateful? and 365 Days of Gratitude I am torn. Although I'm always inspired by the abundance mindset I find there, I know I should be reserving some time here for gratefulness as well. And now ... that time has come!

My statement of gratitude (what I am thankful for today):

• Good news from the doctor. After I gained an unprecedented 15 pounds in two weeks, friends insisted I visit my physician. Luckily I passed the physical (after all, no studying was required)! A subsequent x-ray proved that for some reason my only problem is that I am -- quite literally -- full of it! With some medication this, too, shall pass, so today I am relieved ... well, I soon will be! 
• A husband who thinks my situation is hysterically funny! Actually, I'm not really thankful for Frank at the moment ... but I am working on it. My gratitude toward my spouse is a very fickle thing which has a lot to do with how many hours he spends sleeping in front of the TV and how often he laughs at my jokes. My jokes ... not my predicament! Still, he has a heart of gold and the very best intentions. And for that I am forever grateful.
• My outdoor world. Even though it's August, the last several days have brought comfortable temperatures to central Iowa where I live -- perfect weather for enjoying the sights and the songs of a variety of bird life. No flooding or wildfires threaten my home ... and for this I am incredible thankful!
• A new contract. In my work as a consultant, I had just ended one project early due to a client's budgetary woes and was scrambling to get more work lined up. I was beside myself with worry ... well, I was worried anyway. But today I got the phone call I needed and will begin my new job next week. Somebody's looking out for me and for that I give thanks!
• Blogging. Why is it that every time I question the value of maintaining a blog, something happens to refocus me? Someone's comments or online friendship. An exciting new find in the blogosphere. Or, as has recently happened, the receipt of an award. I'll have more on that tomorrow ... but for now let me just say "Thank you" to all you bloggers who inspire me, challenge me and those who remind me to count my blessings!

What are you grateful for today?

In order to be able to achieve and maintain happiness we need to, actively, be able to do two things:

1. Complain and then let go (Dump the baggage, the roadblocks to happiness.)
2. Openly Express Gratitude (The open expression of gratitude promotes happiness.)

In order to be able to achieve and maintain happiness we need to, actively, be able to do two things:

1. Complain and then let go (Dump the baggage, the roadblocks to happiness.)
2. Openly Express Gratitude (The open expression of gratitude promotes happiness.)

After all, everyone has something to be grateful for and/or something to complain about. If you would like to accept the challenge, please follow the appropriate link and do so: "Are You Grateful?", "Complain Complain Complain."

Contributors to "Are You Grateful?" & "Complain Complain Complain" are: 1-Attitude, the Ultimate Power 2-Max 3-DianaCA's Metamorphoses 4-Mental Poo 5-My Thoughts 6-Baba Doodlius 7-Wake Up America 8-Life is a Roller Coaster 9-Life and Me 10-pinay mommy's love blog 11-My Happiness Haven 12-And Life Goes On for a Filipino Mom 13-Blessed Sanctuary 14-Expressions And Thoughts 15-Memories by Jenn 16-Reminiscence of My Adventures 17-In the Life of Mne 18-Juliana's Lair 19-Pinay Wahm 20-Lucid Creativity 21-Winged Words 22-Irresistible Fascinations 23-A Little Time 24-See Me For What You Will 25-Greatest Reviews 26-ETC ATBP 27-Gandacious 28-We Are Family 29-Journey to this thing called LIFE 30-www.rajeshrana.net 31-www.rajeshrana.com 32-BaReFooTeD Me 33-Uncomplicated 34-Points of View 35-Pride & Prejudice 36-Colorful World 37-Nora's Notes 38-A Daily Walk With Bill & Gina 39-Strange but True 40-Everything Under The Sun ( Beth Rebokon ) 41-Kaleidoscope 42-Fil-Oz Blog 43-By Osc@r Luiz 44-Comedy Plus 45-Blogging by Sandee 46-Soul Meets World 47-Mae's Memoirs 48-Beyond the Rave Reality 49-Amori, poesie, arte, chat by Hanna 50-Attached at the Hip 51-Carver's Sight or is that Site? 52-Empress Reviews 53-Simple Pleasures In My Heart 54-Lourdes' mia 55-A Grateful Heart 56-Majorsleepyhead 57-Scrappy n Happy in Ohio 58-CHOC MINT GIRL 59-Extraordinary Things 60-ZOOROPAZOO 61-BeNolSatuEm 62-As The World Turns 63-Your Caring Angels 64-Life Is Wonderful To Know Everyday 65-Sugar Magnolias 66-Little Peanut 67-Creative In Me 68-Me and Mine 69-Pea in a Pod 70-the diary of the Pink & Brown Wedding 71-good thoughts, good trades, good life 72-My Blog - all things me 73-Rainbows 74-Little Corner of Mine 75-Me, Myself and I 76-My Planet Purple 77-Amel's Realm 78-A Handful of Surprises 79-A Detour 80-Something Purple 81-Vanity Kit 82-Are You Grateful? 83-A Simple Life 84-BlogTips.Com 85-Balitang Kalye 86-Mariuca 87- Emila Yusof 88-A Total Blog 89-My Life in this Wonderful World 90-MommyAllehs 91-Things That Suck 92-A Mother's Stuff 93-Princess Vien 94-My Inner Thoughts Revealed 95-Roxiticus Desperate Housewives 96-Apples Of The Eyes 97-Nita's Random Thoughts 98-Nita's Corner 99-Thomas Digital Services 100-A Mother's Thoughts101-Meltwater. Torrents. Meanderings. Delta 102-My Perfect Escape 103-Vanidosa. Marie 104-Confessions of a Supermodel Wannabe 105-Lynda's Loft 106-Listening..Learning..Living 107-LadyJava's Lounge 108-The Painted Veil 109-Poeartica 110-Maryannaville 111-the life of a psychotic weirdo 112-CARPE DIEM 113-Turn-u-Off 114-asian mutt international 115-Petty Ramblings of a Petty Queen 116-LIFE IS A ROLLER COASTER 117-AZZY'S BLOG-A-ROONIE! 118-glad to be here 119-WilStop 120-Dare to Blog 121-WebGeek Journal 122-Foster Me Up 123-This is My Life 124-DaveylynneDR 125-Life Realities 126-aNgRiAniWorld Dot Com 127-All That Matters 128-My Inspiration Sharing Land 129-Hidup Biar Sedap 130-Mutiara Hati 131-EM Muhammad 132-I Digress 133-Mapped Memories 134-Working It 135-Startin' A New Life too, 136-Little Secret 137-FEEL FREE to Express Yourself 138-iAM-Mai 139-SOLOFLIGHT 140-BLACKNICKEL 141-NEUROPATCH 142-EMJEI SAYS 143-Big Money List 144-daily information 145-TRCoach 146-LOVE YOUR LIFE! 147- INSTANT MESSAGES 148-MEME ME 149-mEldita's untamed world 150-mEldita's uncensored life 151-i.MEL.dific 152-SNAPSHOT 153-DAILY STOCK PICKS 154-The Pet Haven 155-Pet's Garden Blog 156-Ketuk_angel Weblog 157-Laketrees 158-Enroute 365

Sharing a bath (revisited)

As I noted Sunday, I'm taking a blogging break to focus on work demands. So, this week, I am re-publishing some archived posts. This one, "Sharing a bath" was written a year ago and the story within it proved to me that nature has many stories to tell and many lessons to share ... if I will only pay attention!

Only days ago I was trying to make peace with the interruptions that take me away from planned activities. Trying to schedule time for spontaneity (impossible) and friends (essential). Then, as it often does, I found my dilemma parodied in nature, just outside my back door.

I was hard at work in my home-office when I heard a minor ruckus at the birdbath. I looked out the window and saw a plump robin enthusiastically cleaning himself. I grabbed my camera and headed for a better view.

Seemingly oblivious to all around him, the bird dunked his head in the water, then rose up, feathers puffed out and wings fluttering eradically. Water spattered about as he shook himself dry, only to submerge himself and flap about again and again.

This robin was committed to his cleanliness and even as I chuckled at the sight of his water-logged noggin, (click on photo at left to enlarge), I marveled at his dedication to the task at hand.

Suddenly, without warning, a sparrow flew down, entering the scene. For a few seconds all grew quiet as each bird seemed to size-up the other. I could imagine the robin's reaction. “Who are you to intrude on my bath? Can't you see I'm busy here? You'll have to wait your turn.” But, after a few brief moments, he hopped to the side of the basin, making room for the smaller bird.

I pulled my face away from the camera and watched as two sets of flapping wings sent water spraying. Like synchronized swimmers, their feathers flew in water, then air, water, air. The robin's movements were less vigorous than before, perhaps in deference to his little companion.

Within the space of a minute, the show was over and the birds flew off in different directions. I walked away convinced that we all must make room for connections. Such is the nature of life. I can move to the side and flutter at a slower pace in order to share a small courtesy. Or, maybe, make a new friend.

If you liked this story (or just like birds!) check out my other bird-related posts:

• "The Eagle had Landed"
• "Dirty Bird"

Called to care

I want to begin by begging everyone's indulgence! We've had some great discussion following the last several posts; your comments allow me to consider alternative viewpoints so I appreciate your insights! Unfortunately I'm behind schedule in visiting your blogs and commenting. I will correct that omission this week. For now, however, I want to provide what I hope is a conclusion to my posts regarding the flooding in Iowa.

On Friday, after my last entry, I headed with my husband Frank to help with the sandbagging effort in Des Moines. This activity was important to me for a few reasons. First, my community was in need. Second, I was able. And third, acts of service give me a feeling of purpose. You see, I'm not one of those lucky few with a conscious knowledge of where my life's purpose lies. I don't even know if I'm on the planet for a single specific reason, so I'm forced to create purpose in little ways where opportunity presents itself.

Still, I sometimes fall short of my mark. Like Friday, when I wanted to focus my hands and my mind in a prayerful attitude to the task of building sandbags. My hands cooperated but my mind did not. While Frank's thoughts (as he revealed to me later) primarily centered on whether our efforts would make a real difference, I was obsessed with the realization that I had not shaved my legs! Really! I don't believe Mother Theresa would have faced this same dilemma, but then again, I tried to remind myself, I wasn't trying to be Mother Theresa, just a better Brenda.

After sandbagging Frank and I began the journey home. I had brought my camera along, hoping to take pictures for a local news blog, Around Des Moines, and I found several chances to document the flood's impact on the city. At one stop near my home, I was able to direct a displaced homeless man to a make-shift shelter nearby. The police had issued a mandatory evacuation for his home (which I believe was actually a park by the river). At any rate, he needed just a bit more guidance to reach his destination. Since my camera later malfunctioned, destroying the photos of street flooding at that particular location, I'd like to think that my true purpose there was in assisting this lost soul.

By Saturday it had become apparent that Cedar Rapids, a city approximately 100 miles to the northeast, was suffering far greater flooding than Des Moines. In a telephone conversation with my younger sister, a Cedar Rapids resident, I learned that the city's ability to provide water to its population was still in jeopardy and citizens had to get by with minimal water usage. Bottled water was also proving difficult to come by. My sister has four girls in her household. Two of them are teenagers. Perhaps that's all I need to say! So, during the night, my husband and I hatched a plan for hauling a pick-up load of water up to Cedar Rapids. Early this morning (Sunday), we set about making the calls to make our plans become reality. By 11 am, due to a heart-warming degree of help and cooperation, we were ready to head out of town with two 50 gallon drums of water, perhaps a dozen individual gallon containers of water provided by my older sister, a camping shower kit, clean dishcloths, a package of baby wipes and more. Due to all the road closures resulting from flooding, charting a course between the two cities had been our greatest challenge, but by 2:30 pm, our cargo had been delivered.

We're now back home and I'm trying to overlook a less-than-tidy home as my husband asks me, “do you think it was worthwhile ... our activities this weekend?” Good question! I didn't get to the work I'd brought home from the office and Frank still needs to study for his organic chemistry test. Dishes sit dirty, stacked by the sink; the weeds in the yard didn't leave of their own accord; and our refrigerator is looking pretty bare. But yes, it was all worthwhile. This was a weekend with a purpose, and that purpose was putting caring into action. Maybe my highest calling is to care ... and, if so, I'm content. After all, sometimes caring is the best deed anyone can do.

Causes of catastrophy

My mind is on the devastation I see around the world and, now, in my own community. And thus a multitude of thoughts roll through my brain ...

Why do we suffer hardships, catastrophes? Are there reasons for the massive earthquake in China? The Myanmar cyclone?  The flooding in the midwestern United States?

When I was growing up, I was taught there was a reason. We didn't call it karma. We were told it was the result of sin, godlessness.

At the time, I was not convinced. How could someone's personal beliefs (or lack thereof) cause famine?  If my own family believed in the wrong god for centuries, would a decade come where my crops would burn up year after year?  How could a people's moral decline spawn hurricane force winds? Or was their true “sin” their lack of foresight in choosing where to live or how to build?

When it came to sin, I could not make the connection. Still can't, even though I'm older and ... well, I'm older.

My friend Jan's mother was recently injured in a tornado in Parkersburg, Iowa. She lost her home but, amazingly, kept her life. Still it's not easy for me to see the photos of this 80-year-old grandmother with a bandaged head and two shiners. This is neither a godless woman nor an immoral one. And as the tornado weaved through some neighborhoods while sparing others, it seemingly did not seek out pockets of depravity ... it moved indiscriminately.

What I do believe in is natural consequences. It's how our physical world works. I've seen for myself that if we abuse or neglect what we are given, there will be repercussions, ones that are largely predictable. If I don't change the oil in my car regularly, it won't last five years or 30,000 miles, whichever comes first. If I smoke (and I used to), I weaken my body and invite disease. If our societies blindly spew pollutants into the air, there is bound to an environmental backlash. And today we're beginning to realize that those results may lie in the effects of global warming.

“So, then, global warming is our punishment?” you might ask. But then we'd be back to playing the blame game and I've never seen winners ever emerge from that kind of word play. Can we look at this differently? When calamity besets us, can we view this as an opportunity to do what humans do best? We adapt. Even better, we help each other adapt. And, as a result, we become better people; we build stronger societies. We survive and, in some ways, we evolve. 

How do YOU view catastrophy or natural disaster? Do we bring these events on ourselves? Are they bound to occur? Feel free to disagree with me! All comments that are submitted in the spirit of open sharing (ie., no attacks or verbal abuse) will be published.

What are you worth?

"How much do you figure he's worth?" my lunch partner asks as she nods at a third party just feet away. Her voice is hushed and the question pours forth in tones of intrigue and conspiracy. I struggle to find a civil response. My companion has begun my least favorite game, "Let's Judge Somebody." I find this particular version especially appalling, that of reducing a human life down to dollar signs.

"I don't know," I finally answer."To his family I'm sure he's priceless. But down at the morgue ... well, I guess I don't know what a body goes for these days."

I know this is not what my friend means. I understand that she is looking at the well-dressed man with a certain disdain and she's seeking my cooperation. Maybe her attitude is bred of jealously. Maybe she feels inferior somehow. I'd hate to think that she assigns value to others based on their bank accounts. Then again, she wouldn't be the first to do so. Perhaps we all are guilty of this from time to time.

Just for the record, I'm worth a little under $5,000. I can say that now that I've run across the Cadaver Calculator, an online tool for those like me who are morbidly curious (or seeking to make a point)! The calculator does not factor in my immense potential or the sentimental value I place on my person. But what I like about it is this: it does not consider my net worth either. By not taking those extra assets into account, I get a needed dose of humility. One that keeps me mindful of the values I place on others.

I invite you to try it for yourself. What are you worth?

$4705.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

Frank without fences

Part 1: Series Introduction
Part 2: The Forced Smile

Frank doesn't like fences. Although he doesn't remember when this aversion began, it seems to have been evident already in early childhood.

Frank's story has come to mind because my husband is celebrating his 52nd birthday today. Because border issues are a big deal in the United States at the moment. And because, to me, Frank represents a man who has never built walls around himself.

The subject of fences came up last week in, of all places, the grocery store parking lot. Maybe that's because shopping is what all too often passes as quality time for us these days. Be that as it may, as I steered the car into the lot, Frank was reliving a discussion he'd had with his father some thirty-plus years before.

As anyone who has been there understands, the teen years represent the time when we distinguish ourselves from our parents; when we discover our own beliefs and -- sometimes unwisely -- choose to tell adults just where they got it wrong. Now, I'm not saying that Frank went to that extreme. But I do know that my spouse inherited his Dad's German stubbornness. That Frank's father was big on artificial borders. And that Frank is not keen on walls of almost any kind.

Pausing from his story, Frank returned his focus to me for a moment. “It's like “Paradise,” he said, referring to my favorite Sonia Dada song.  >> Words and music here. << Dan Pritzker's lyrics sum up the point-of-view that Frank shared with his father all those year's earlier:

The walls we build for protection when you see them from the other side
A prison whose gates close and lock from the inside
Oh paradise

No guarantees for her good life

My heart goes out to Wilma. At age 75 she’s lived her entire life by the book. The “good book” that is or, more precisely, her understanding of it. So Wilma should be reaping the rewards of wholesome living, right? She's traveled the straight and narrow. She's done well by traditional teachings and they have done well by her ... until now.

With a hint of pride Wilma tells me that she’s never smoked a cigarette or missed a Sunday service. She has been modest in her dress and feminine; there are no jeans or T-shirts hidden in her closet. On the home-front, Wilma has taken pride in her duties of cooking and cleaning while her husband earned a living. And with an eye toward thrift, she has sewn her own clothing and curtailed her shopping to bargains. So I do not doubt Wilma one iota when she maintains that she’s always been a submissive, obedient wife.

I respect this about Wilma. Although being neither obedient nor submissive myself, I admire her ability to hold true to her convictions. What Wilma struggles with, however, is an understanding that her obligations must change because her husband Max has been diagnosed with dementia. This is not a new turn of events -- she's been in denial for over five years -- and I am repeating myself when I advise her that now her marriage requires more than submission. Now she must bear some of the responsibility of the couple’s finances. She must take over behind the steering wheel ... both on the roadways and in her life.

“But that’s the man’s role,” Wilma insists with more than an edge of defiance in her voice. So she remains defensive over Max's deteriorating driving ability and frustrated over his lack of attention to the yard, the bills and other obligations within the traditionally masculine domain.

In Wilma's mind, the rules for living are fixed; inflexible. She cannot or will not reinterpret her beliefs in a way that’s pertinent to the life situation she now finds herself in.

So I listen to Wilma ... listen to her pain, her feelings of betrayal. It’s all I can do, aside from helping Max with his yardwork. I’ve tried to make Wilma see her role in a different light, but she's not ready to hear me. At times I can't blame her. When I take leave of Wilma and think about my own life, I worry that I, too, may have so much invested in my own views and beliefs, that at some point I will become inflexible. That after living by the rules as I see them, as I reach the end I'll find that the rules will have changed. “There but for the grace of God go I.”

What about you? Have your beliefs or values been altered by time and circumstance? Will they be relevant for each stage of your life?

Best advice: love yourself

I try to not dispense advice. I’ve never been keen on receiving it so it seems rather hypocritical to dish it out. Especially when, as the words escape my mouth, I heard far too many “shoulds.”

You should be like this ... think like that ...do it another way.

Shoulding is a futile gesture. It certainly has never saved a life, changed a mind or touched a heart. The truths that we know most deeply are not dictated to us. They come from within, derived from our own experiences.

Having uttered these words, however, I look at a younger generation coming of age. I can’t help but reflect over my own 40-some years and wish I’d know then what I know today.

The most important lesson was in front of me all the while, but just now I’m beginning to understand the depth of the message and open my self to its advice.

It begins something like this: love yourself. How deceptively simple. Yet I must overcome a multitude of hurdles in order to heed this instruction.

"Love yourself in order to be the person you might become."

[Dark] secret to a spotless home

My extended family is coming to town for the weekend. As I look around my  home and begin to corral the clutter, I am tempted to test an observation made a few weeks earlier: that thorough housekeeping is, really, a selfish act.

This discovery was made during a tea date. I had invited a few colleagues to my home  and, due to a scheduling snafu, I had arrived with no time to spare.

The ladies saw my home as it was (and usually is): an open floor-plan, great expanse of windows, sturdy oak furniture ... mail on the buffet, dust on the mantle and cobwebs in the corners.

Kathy was the first to arrive. “What a view!” she exclaimed as she looked out the back sliders to the river in the distance. Guilt-ridden, I murmured that the windows remained unwashed to deter birds trying to fly into the house.

“A spotless home is no more an ideal than a cluttered one.”